he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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