i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
