i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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