my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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