he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
