Already got asked if we're dating
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
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My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
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Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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