Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The air taste purple.
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