I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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