Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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