She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
God, I missed his penis.
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