Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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