I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he shaved USA in his pubs
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
