These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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