If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
P.S. I can't hear my feet
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
