so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
