WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
