dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
