On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
