You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
