I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
