i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
