Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I supernannyed him into submission
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
