highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
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I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
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Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He has the fingertips of a God
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