You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
