That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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