he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
