Three words: puerto rican gang bang
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
