When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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