There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
