All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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