The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
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Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
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He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents