Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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