my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
