Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He passed out mid-signature
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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