some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
