I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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