all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize