Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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