Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Man, jail baloney is awful.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
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He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
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The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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