I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
