She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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