I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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