You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
