we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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