.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
