I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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