Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize