I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
