True but thats because hes a fetus.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
