Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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