I seem to have left my pride at pride
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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