I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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