i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I wear drunk well.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
