Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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