Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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