Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
