I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
