Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
