I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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