WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
