I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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