Michael Bay diarrhea
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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