do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize