$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize