This is not my ceiling
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
